Thinks on Things

A gathering of ponderings…

Recovering Christian

No, I’m not a ‘Church-aholic’. I think it would be better described as a ‘Churchaphobic’. Not because I’m afraid of churches, but because after 2o+ years of Baptist indoctrination I find myself not wanting to go to church to be part of a play or cheap performance. I want to be more than what I seem to have been taught (consciously and subconsciously) about what Christianity is and what it means to follow Christ. I find myself becoming more upset when I notice ‘church people doing church stuff’. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s important to go to church and lots of other things as well. But I notice more and more how many people are just faking it on Sunday morning (and other places) and not changing a thing during the rest of the week. It’s as if they didn’t really learn anything at all.

Now I’m not perfect by any standards and I’ve made my share of mistakes (ok, maybe a few shares actually) so this is not meant to be condescending on anyone. I just wonder how many people actually know what they are doing or even if they really want to be doing it?

Last week I arrived at Youth Group and had to force myself not to sing. Of course I knew the songs and I had come there to sing and worship with the other people. But I knew that my heart was not in the right place, I wasn’t thinking worshipful thoughts. I was physically present but mentally hitchhiking off to someplace not good. When I realized this I made myself stand at the back of the group and I just shut my mouth and my eyes and tried to refocus on what I was doing and why. This was my small act of not participating in a fake worship time. I can’t say where everyone else’s hearts and minds were but if mine was not there and I sang anyway then it would have been fake.

Sure I could have fooled everyone there, that’s easy. But I can’t fool God, that’s unpossible. So I took a time-out and honestly I’m still not back after 3 days.

So I call myself a ‘recovering Christian’ not because I don’t believe in God and want ‘out’ but because I do believe and I want ‘in’. I want to be in a real relationship with a real Jesus and experience His real love rather than be caught up in the popular religious charades trying to fake everybody out. Get it yet? Real.


December 2, 2006 - Posted by | All My Thinks


  1. Hurray! This is very authentic, and there are few things more exciting to me than authenticity. My favorite speaker, Greg Boyd, says that “authenticity is the ultimate virtue.” I totally encourage you to be real, even if it means not singing in church or not going to church or whatever. But building a true relationship with the Ultimate Lover is going to require a lot of intentional pursuit, not just a passive, irritated dismissal of what you know is wrong and false.

    And I love your phrase “a recovering Christian.” Erwin McManus likes to say that “the greatest threat to the movement of Jesus is Christianity”, because it is so close to the truth that it leads hundreds of millions of people in a lie. And because it’s close to the truth, it’s very difficult to “untrain” Christians and retrain them as true disciples to Jesus. I’ll be praying that you are able to recover from Christianity and authentically find Jesus! (and me, too!)

    Comment by lukeprog | December 3, 2006

  2. Luke,

    Thanks for the insights. I also learned from Greg Boyd, through your link on Laci’s blog:

    I like the way he sums up the first part of Psalm 73 with ‘God, you are good. But right now I’m not feeling it.’ I think I would like to look further into the last verse as well.

    Psalm 73:28 ‘But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.’


    Comment by Lael Jensen | December 11, 2006

  3. i feel like this so often. its sad that we have to fake it even in God’s presence..

    Comment by enit | December 22, 2006

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