lael is doing much better but is super busy.

lael is not doing well.

this week has been crazy with ideas for this fall running wild through my head. i’ve run this stuff by a few people so far. the lists keep getting longer and more confusing for all the logistics needed to make this work. rent payments, health insurance, cell phone, one job, possibly two jobs, two cars, churches, relationships, living arrangments, food costs, safety concerns, consequences, rewards, everything. it’s exciting. all of my planning, scheming, dreaming, feels pretty good right now. but the one person that i really want to talk about this with is gone.

so what good is it all if the person you want to share it with chooses a different road? how good can a dream really be if the dream is conditional? if it includes a clause that only by it’s inclusion can bring about the maximum? am i setting myself up for a failed mission? who knows. but i limp on, knowing that the dream is crippled, but knowing more that this dream is vital.

so i had this idea (thanks to conversation with a friend), and now i’m seriously debating becoming the futurely-famous Scooter Tramp. yea, allusions to Alexander Super-Tramp intended. click the link (or check out new pages) to keep updated on progress for this idea…

thinking of making some pretty drastic changes in my life within the next 8-12 months. more later…

 although i enjoyed watching the movie Beowulf for the second time, it wasn’t the action that caught me so much as the ending credits. oh don’t get the wrong idea, i loved the movie! but this time i listened to the song at the end. makes for a wonderful poem about the myth of a hero. here’s a link to the music. so close your eyes and listen with that part of your heart that stirs for adventure. unless of course, you’re a couch potato…

A Hero Comes Home
by Idina Menzel

Out of the mist of history he’ll come again

Sailing on ships across the sea to a wounded nation

Signs of a savior

Like fire on the water

It’s what we’ve prayed for

One of our own

Just wait, though wide he may roam

Always a hero comes home

He goes where no one has gone

But always a hero comes home

Deep in the heart of darkness sparks a dream of light

Surrounded by hopelessness he finds the will to fight

There’s no surrender

Always remember

It doesn’t end here

We’re not alone

Just wait, though wide he may roam

Always a hero comes home

He goes where no one has gone

But always a hero comes home

And he will come again on crimson tide

Dead or alive

And even though we know

The bridge has burned

He will return

He will return

Just wait, though wide he may roam

Always a hero comes home

He knows of places unknown

But always a hero comes home

Someday a name carved in stone

A hero comes home

He goes and comes back alone

But always a hero comes home

Just wait, though wide he may roam

Always a hero comes home

The important thing to remember about any story where you fight a dragon is not that you’re telling people that dragons are real, but you’re telling people that dragons can be defeated. And that is a huge true thing and it’s something that should never be forgotten. -Neil Gaiman (writer for Beowulf)

when she gave me the book i was, needless to say, slightly offended and put off. i had no idea what point she could possibly be trying to make besides noticing i’ve dropped off of regular sunday attendence and wanted me to get back in church.

so i took the book graciously and then went home and put it on a shelf. and there it sat looking at me with it’s guilt-ridden cover and judgemental pages for almost 3 months…

then i started reading.

i suppose i should have paced myself a bit better because once i began reading, all the lessons seemed to flow freely and i felt like someone had talked with me and finally put into words what i’ve been trying to figure out for a few years. it was overload and i’ll have to go back and reread it all. i was surprised to discover that the title was intentionally (and very significantly) misleading. i was so excited!! here was a book that was actually confirming thoughts and feelings that i’ve had about church and it wasn’t telling me i was wrong! didn’t judge me, didn’t tell me to get back in church, didn’t tell me i was going to hell for not attending any church.

at that point i wondered if my mother had even read the book and knew what it was about… i was certain the message it was giving me was not what she had intended!

all in all, it was a good read with many points to ponder. i hope to have new discussions with new people as i continue to live in Christ rather than act on a stage. feel free to discuss this if you are interested at all. email me (postalhoot at yahoo) or contact via fbook.

ps: this post was not intended to be a summary of the book, although some of it’s lessons will no doubt be referenced in future posts. the book, so you don’t want to go to church anymore?, might also go well with blue like jazz.

Rarely do things in life ever come to a point when everything is fine and dandy. Orderly. Up-swing. There are moments of course, but the average slacks. Managable would be a good day. Most often it’s a checklist of madatories and obligatories. Shoulds and should nots. Condescension if not completed. Slight nod if satisfactory. Guilty usually.

Oh, to remember the days when ‘underwhelmed’ was not a made-up word, when it was actually a reality… Will those days ever return?

Where’s the boy who used to run?
Could it be he’s up and gone away?
Seems so far away…
And all the things I could have done,
Could it be they’ve up and gone away?
Seems so far away…
-Hoobastank, ‘Up and Gone Away’

To push that button.
To make that cut.
To throw that punch.
To step onto that train.
Or off of it.
To come to that fork in the road and take it.
Or say ’screw it, I’m going offroad.’

I have come that you may have life, abundant life! -Jesus, John 10:10
If you wait til conditions are perfect, you’ll never take the training wheels off. -Fortune cookie
Life is a daring adventure, or else nothing. -Helen Keller
If it’s always complicated, why not dive in anyway? -laj
Straitjackets impede flying. -laj

What is it with scars? Do we want them or not? What do they say about us? And what does that really prove anyway?

Sometimes it seems we can’t stop showing them off. Mine is bigger/bloodier/more dangerous than yours is. But my story is cooler… hype it up until it’s no longer even human. The purpose of sharing scars can’t only be to brag about whose is bigger or badder. So what is the real reason for sharing? And how do you share your scars correctly? As a warning? As advice? As proof or evidence? Simply a cool story?

Sometimes we hide them. What would make us embarrassed or ashamed of some scars while wanting to flaunt others? Scars are scars, right? Physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, whatever. They all hurt at the time they occurred right? So what’s changed? We hide them because they can be pricked easily when exposed, causing pain all over again.

Do they say that we are more of a man? Or even more human? Or that we are stronger than someone else? Strikes me that if you were so great and mighty in the first place you wouldn’t have a big ol scar running down your face… does it just prove you could withstand the pain? Well, so did the people that are hiding their scars. Is this a purely masculine issue or feminine or maybe both?

Are we supposed to be proud of our scars? Or just ignore them? If they were the result of mistakes then we should learn from them. But why would some hide scars that others would brag openly about? Do they prove patriotism? Love? Loyalty? Strength? Stupidity? Weakness? Mortality?

To top it off, who would fake having a scar? Or even give themselves one for the sake of some previous question? Do we secretly have this underlying need for sympathy of some sort that would lead us to exaggerate or embellish or even fake the scars we carry to gain attention that might justify our actions or causes if not to the world then at least to ourselves?

Scars are souvenirs you never lose. The past is never far. –Goo Goo Dolls ‘Name’
Scars serve to remind us that the past was real and actually happened to us. –Overheard somewhere

yea, about that whole absent thing. just got a little busy with work and friends and figured i would spend time there instead of in the interweb. whatever, so to catch up on things a bit: chasing down plans to build a rock climbing wall in town for local/state use, going on a photoventure at a nearby state park tomorrow, just worked 2 weeks straight (quite an accomplishment being that i ussually only work once or twice a week), researching lasik eye surgery (here or here) cuz i’ve never really liked being restricted by glasses. time to go eat some pizza and watch a movie. healthy, i know…